Win a copy of book 1 ONLY IN TEXAS
Out of the Mouth of Babes
In Blame it on Texas, Tyler Lopez has a smarter-than-her-years, six-year-old niece, Anna, who is always adding her two cents to conversations. And those two cents sometimes make Tyler’s head spin. Kids and those wonderful one liners just flat out make for some funny moments. And anyone who has read my books knows that I love funny moments. Below is just one example of kids being funny in Blame it on Texas.
“Leo’s full of…” Tyler caught himself just in time.
“Full of what?” Anna asked, a half smile pulling at her lips.
Tyler’s gaze shot to the piñata hanging above the tree. “Full of candy.”
Anna snickered. “Mama said he was full of shit.”
Tyler grinned. “Well, like you just said, your mama doesn’t lie. But…we all have…excrement in our insides.”
“Excrement?” He could see the child figuring out the word’s meaning and filing it away in her knowledge-hungry brain. “That’s gross.”
“I agree.” Tyler’s smile came easier.
“Almost as gross as how babies are made,” she said.
That little announcement came out of left field, and Tyler’s jaw fell open.
Ahh, but Tyler isn’t the only one dealing with kids who say inappropriate things in this book, Ellen, my secondary heroine has a daughter, Britney, and she’s always tossing out a few zingers. Then there’s Ricky, Rick’s, my secondary hero’s, son. Let’s face it, anyone who has had kids or been around one very long knows they can say the most embarrassing and sometimes even the most thought-provoking things.
And I speak from experience, through the years, I’ve written up some of my own kids’ “funny things.” Some of them I’ve actually sold to magazines, others I’ve written up to embarrass them later in life. Hey…paybacks can be hell! So just for fun, I thought I’d share some of my personal, kids-say-the-funniest-things pieces.
Smart, But Not That Smart
Nina, my three-year-old daughter, began learning her letters at a very remarkable age. I must admit to feeling proud when we went to the county fair and stood in front of the soda booth and she started pointing to the Pepsi emblem and naming off the letters. “That’s remarkable,” a lady replied. “Do you know how to read, too?”
Nina’s answer came quick, “Yes.” I was too filled with pride to rebuke her claim.
“What does that say?” the lady asked, pointing back to the Pepsi emblem.
Nina smiled and answered with remarkable confidence, “It says, Coke.”
So Smart it’s Embarrassing
My three-year-old daughter’s babysitter was pregnant. And my too wise little girl became very curious. When questions came about how the baby got into her babysitter’s tummy, I hit the bookstore to learn how best to explain. The advice was simple and straight forward. Tell them the truth in vague terms, and don’t use cutesy names, just use the real names.
So I sat her down and explained that mommies and daddies got really close. Daddy’s had sperm and mommies had eggs and the two got together and created a baby.
She accepted the answer and I felt like a wise parent. Unfortunately, my dad, my daughter’s grandfather didn’t agree. You see, the next day he took Nina to a fast food place to meet about five of his other cronies. While all crowded around a table enjoying coffee, my daughter piped up the question. “Grandpa, what color is sperm? Is that how I got my brown hair?”
All Grown Up…Almost
Much to my surprise, my six-year-old daughter came home from first grade talking about college. “I can’t wait. It sounds so exciting. I can choose the subjects I like. So you know I’ll make all A’s. I can make my own schedule. Go to the bathroom anytime I want. The teachers won’t treat me like a kid.”
She sounded more seventeen than seven and I was quite proud of my grown-up little girl. Then her young brow wrinkled in puzzlement. She turned to me with real concern in her eyes, “But Mama, will we still get to go out and play at recess?”
Handles
One night at dinner, my four-year-old son dropped the last of his pizza on his plate and requested his dessert.
“First you have to finish your dinner,” I said.
He glanced down at his pizza crust and innocently replied, “I did. I ate everything but the handle.”
He got his dessert.
Color Blindness
One day, my son had a friend, eight-year-old Andrew, over to play. My husband and I were taking the boys out for hamburgers when Andrew announced that last weekend he and his family had taken a trip to New Orleans to attend his aunt’s wedding.
Making casual conversation I turned to him and asked, “Was it your mother’s sister or your dad’s sister?”
Little Andrew’s brow crinkled together in thought and then a little embarrassed he admitted, “I’m not really sure.”
It took a few minutes for my husband and I to realize the significance of his ignorance. You see, Andrew is a bi-racial child, his father African-American and his mother White. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all could be so color blind?
All Boy
I was driving my six-year-old son to school when he popped out with an unusual question. “Mom, are there more girls in the world than there are boys?”
I turned to glance at him. “Well, as a matter of fact, there are more girls than boys.”
“Then that explains it!” he blurts out as if he’d just found an answer to a long-asked question.
“Explains what?” I queried.
“Why everywhere I go, I always notice the girls but I never notice the boys.”
Too Much Boy
While having dinner with my husband’s boss and his wife, my three-year-old son didn’t want to eat. My husband told him that mashed potatoes would make him grow big. He not only started eating his potatoes but in his excited little-boy voice, he said, “My dad has a big Pee-Pee. And when I grow up, I’m going to have a big one, too!”
My husband’s boss simply chuckled and said, “I think I’ll take some more potatoes, too.”
Way Too Much Boy
Once, while getting dressed to take my three-year-old son to Mother’s Day Out, my son came into the room. When I turned around, he was staring at me. “You know mom, I like looking at you naked.”
And that was the last time he saw me naked, too!
* * *
CONTEST TIME!
Okay…come on, do some sharing. Let me hear some of your kids, grandkids or nieces and nephew’s funny/thought-provoking sayings. And to one lucky commenter I’m giving away a copy of Only in Texas the first book in the Hotter in Texas series. And to everyone who posts on this blog and tells me that they have bought my book, I’ll enter them into a $25 gift card to either B&N or Amazon, winner’s choice.
CC
Visit Christie’s website
Howdy guys!!
Thank you so much DiDi for posting my guest blog. I hope every gets a chuckle out of the post and leaves me some of their own funny kids sayings.
Have a great day guys!!
CC
I have never read any of your books,but I plan on putting it on my to read list.
lauratroxel@yahoo.com
Thanks Laura! I hope you enjoy them.
OMG! you had me rolling. I love kids and their openness. The stories are too much. One time my 8 year old (she was 6 at the time) came home from spending the weekend with my mom. She walked in the door and said “Momma, I know what girls privates are called. They are called Paginas.” Oh I laughed. I called my mom and asked her what she was teaching my child too. 🙂
Thanks Rhonda!!! Don’t you just love those kids when they say what’s on their minds.
CC
My dad kept my kids when they were little. Grocery shopping together my then 3 year old got his apple juice in the cart, and proceeded to the adult beverage section, grabbing a box of Franzia, declaring, “here’s your juice Papaw.” So, wine at our house has been ‘Papaw’s Juice’ ever since. 🙂
Love it!!! Gimme some of Papaw’s Juice.
CC
I bought a copy of Blame it on Texas on my kindle! I even pre-ordered so it was already downloaded and in my hot little hands when I woke up this morning 🙂
I have always had issues with my girls and their over usage of toilet paper. I told my daughter, “You don’t need to use so much toilet paper you have a tiny butt.”
Her reply, “Well you must use a lot then because you have a big butt!”
If you want an honest opinion ask a child, lol.
Thanks for the chance!
izzyabbysmom2006 AT yahoo DOT com
Oh goodness!!! They do tell the truth. LOL.
CC
Fun post! Kids do say the weirdest thing. I got Blame it On Texas on my Nook this morning -can’t wait to read it. My nephew was 6 or 7 years old and was in the bathroom. My sister yelled for him to hurry up because they had to leave to go somewhere – he eventually came out of the bathroom and said “Mom…I can’t help it my penis doesn’t work right and I’m slow going to the bathroom”….she really had nothing she could say to that. Now I’ll rat myself out because this story gets told all the time in the family and everyone laughs. When I was growing up my parents would speak in Spanish when they wanted to tell each other something privately that they didn’t want to say in front of anyone else. We were at the grocery store and my dad made a comment about the lady with the cart in front of us to my mother in Spanish – I then piped up “What fat lady” in English. Needless to say it was an embarrassing moment for my parents and I’ve heard about it ever since…lol
Oh my! He sounds a bit like my son. LOL.
CC
My moment comes from my son, he was about 4 and we were flying cross country. We had a stop in Denver and when we landed it was kind of bumpy. My son who of course had been talking non stop on the flight shouts as we land, “Wow, that landing made my penis all jumpy!” Needless to say the entire cabin cracked up and my son very proudly looked up and me and said, “That wasn’t appropriate, was it?” How the hell do you answer that?
I love it!! And he was just telling it like it was.
CC
LOL that was great! I wish i would have been on that plane ride, I always need a laugh after landing. Super cute! 🙂
My youngest god daughter Kyrie tells everyone when they put anything on their lips carmex, lip gloss lipstick whatever you gotta make it pop…and then demonstrates for you its so cute
Ahh, too cute. She’s seen someone do this.
CC
I did get some laughs! I have a three year old boy, but his speech isn’t up to par yet. He’s going to a preschool to help out with that, but I can imagine when he does get to talking well that he’s going to have some funny things to say….
My niece, on the other hand, is a drama queen hilarious! She says the silliest things. She’s six years old. My sister in law posted a photo of her first day of first grade and I guess her backpack was heavy, so she pretended to fall to the floor and crawled, saying “Backpack heavy! Must….get….to school on time” I lost my sister in laws posts when it comes to my niece, because I’m always getting a good laugh.
Howdy Nikki!
You niece does sound like a piece of work. So much fun.
Thanks for sharing and posting.
CC
thanks for a great post and congrats on the newest release! My family sadly, has no one under the age of 30. So I have to rely on books for cute kid sayings 🙂
Unfortunately, we can still say stupid stuff at thirty, or at least I can. LOL. Thanks Erin!
.
Christie thank you so much for the fun guest blog. I LOVE your sense of haha! My daughter always said what was on her mind, with no filter. When she was three we went to Phoenix AZ, while in the pool with her and my younger brother, a male senior citizen came out in a thong with nipple piercings….because of her penchant for saying whatever came to mind my brother and I circled around her put our hands over her mouth and told her “DO NOT say a word!”
Thank you for having me DiDi!!! Oh goodness, I can only imagine what she might have said. My daughter once as a waitress why she had mustache since she also had boobies. Yikes. I had to leave a big tip.
CC
I bought Blame it on Texas this morning! I can’t wait to get off work to start it!
Thank you Alison!!!
CC
When my youngest daughter was about 2 1/2, I was potty training her. One day while she was sitting on the potty, she passed gas. She looked at me and said in all innocence, “Mommy, my butt burped!” I have heard it put a lot of ways, but I have never in my life, before or since she popped out with that phrase, heard it put that way. Needless to say, I laughed so hard tears were rolling down my face and when she was done, I made her go tell her dad what she had said so he could share in the fun. Like they say, “Kids say the darndest things!”
I pre-ordered Blame it on Texas and it was on my Kindle Fire when I woke up this morning. As soon as I am done reading Divorced, Desperate, and Delicious I will read it. I can’t wait!!
Love it!!! Only kids.
CC
When my nephew was around 4 years old he came to visit me in the big city. After a drive around the neighbourhood, where he saw tall apartment buildings for the first time, he ran up to me and excitedly told me all about them. Then he informed me that he was going to live in one some day. He looked at me very seriously and said “Can I borrow your car then?” I told him he could, of course!
It;s so funny how their little minds work. You gotta love ’em.
CC
Great posts. My son was probably around 3yr and was learning words. He saw a frog out side and pointing when I said frog and he replies with a response that definatly was not frog, but a swear word. Quickly corrected the Frog pronouncing.
Oh…man. Just a little issue with his speech. LOL.
Thanks for stopping in.
CC
Lol what a cute and funny post, kids really do say the funniest things…wish I could add to the funny posts but I don’t have any children and my nephew is just 15 months old so he hasn’t graced us yet with any weird/funny comments.
Timitra,
They have defensive diapering issues at that age. LOL. If you don’t cover it. you’ll get spritzed. LOL.
Thanks for stopping in.
LOL that’s great! My nephew totally peed on me a couple times! 🙂 I still think he is the cutest boy ever though!
My son is 17months so he doesn’t say much. He is learning to say “horse” but right now it comes out “Ho” so I have to loudly explain whenever he starts shouting “HO, HO” in the store
The have problems with their words, don’t they?
Thanks for stopping in.
CC
I bought your book, after reading those excerpts. It sounds like it’ll be pretty funny. My 4 year old son dropped the f-bomb in kindergarten. I received a call from the nun, since it was a Catholic school.. I was glad she was younger than the other nuns, but she asked me waht happened at home this week-end. I thought for a few minutes and said my husband fixed the sink. I covered my mouth trying not to laugh, and said he hit is head on the pipes under the sink and f-bombed. He is a prison guard and not careful about his language, unless I am there elbowing him in the side. Well CJ dropped his books under table, came up and hit his head and f-bombed the class. She took him out of the room and asked where he heard that and he said his dad. She smiled at me and said I should wash my husband’s mouth out with soap and put him in the corner for 1 hour. I smiled and had a nice laugh considering what would have happened when I was in school.
Oh…the call we never want to get. LOL.
Thanks for sharing.
CC
Love your Blog post! Kids do say the darndest things…. Took my four year old to the Grocery store where his father is a manager, he walk up to his father looks at him with a straight face and says, “Wanna see my ection?” Meaning his new rock collection! LOL His employees have not let him forget that one. I just simply turned and walked away there was no way to salvage that 🙂
Oh my!! Too funny. Thanks for the chuckle.
CC
Oh, Christie…the things I could tell you…LOL. ‘
However the one I will share with you is very similar to your son’s pee-pee story.
My son, Max, was in preschool (2-3 yr class). Their bathroom is inside their classroom so the teacher can “assist if necessary, without leaving the class.
My son was on the toilet (he sat down when he first learned) and the teacher came in to wash the brushes out that they had used for painting. While in there, my son says to the teacher, “My daddy has a penis.” (Yeppers, being a labor and delivery nurse, I used anatomically correct terms). The teacher just smiles and responds, “All daddies have a penis.”
His response, “Yeah, but my Daddy has a big penis.”
The teacher had to hold in her laughter.
Later, I was told this little story during ART DAY at the school. And my hubby says to the teacher after hearing it, “Well, that explains all the smiles and looks I’ve been getting since I got here.”
We still giggle over this one.
Thanks for sharing–and I just finished Blame It On Texas today–expect your review during your visit to my blog–psssttt….LOVED IT!
Boys and their dads, huh? LOL. Love it., Thanks for the laugh.
CC
I love this, it is hilarious! I don’t have kids, but I would probably be in stitches with all the funny things kids say!
Love, love all of your moments and your books. Thanks for sharing and being with us today. My little moment:
My friend’s foster son who calls me grandma was about 3 1/2 and I picked him up from daycare for her and he sweetly looks up at me and says, “Grandma did you know I have affection?” I said, “You do? Who do you have affection for?” He says, “Grandma (stretch that out to three syllables), no I have a fection in my ear and I have to take yucky medicine to make it better.” Needless to say I cracked up the rest of the way home.
Poor baby. He almost had it right. LOL. Thanks so much for stopping in.
CC
My only son is grown and is terribly witty, but I can’t come up with anything funny off the top of my head. I have a wonderful great niece and nephew who are also very funny. My little nephew is always so thoughtful and concerned for me. When I was coming to visit on vacation, he insisted we needed to go to SeaWorld San Diego because he knew I liked riding roller coasters and he would ride the new Manta coaster with me. 😀
Barbed1951 at aol dot com
That is so sweet. You gotta love those little ones.
CC
I remember when my oldest niece was just about four yrs old, we were having a 80th Open house for my grandmother’s birthday and every time someone came to the door, she wanted to shoe of her new party dress, but she kept lifting it too high and was show off her panties.. Everyone just smiled and told her how pretty she was… I told her about that later on in life and she was so embarresed.. I told her not to worry it ran int he family….
I can’t wait to read this book…. I love your “Texas” books.
I love Kathleen O!!!! So who in the family also showed off their panties?
CC
My son has a profound hearing loss. There was a stage early on where he wrote better than he signed or spoke. I woke up one morning with a note on my chest saying WAKE UP MUM. I still have it & he is now a grown man.
Wow, this is the most fun blog interview I have read in ages! I love CC Hunter’s YA books, and I am just starting her Texas books! 🙂
I don’t have any kids and I don’t have any super funny stories, but my nephew is pretty cute and he’s 3. My brother lives about 5 hours away, so when he does come visit, it is usually for a week or so. Anyway after this last visit, no matter where they are going or who they are going to see, every time my brother and nephew get in the car he says “Dad, we going to see Aunt Chelsea?”
This last weekend my parents went to visit and my mom said to my nephew, “Are you ready for come chicken nuggets and french fries?” and he replies as they head into the restaurant, “We go see Aunt Chelsea and have chicken?”
I’m not entirely sure why he keeps asking, or telling really but it is stinking cute and make me feel good! 🙂
I’m in the middle of reading Shut Up and Kiss Me and i love it, can’t wait to read more.
4 y /o youngest grandson Jude informed his dad that ” if he didn’t eat chocolate
chip cookies, he was going to die!” Needless to say Dad, who was preparing
to go to the store, brought back a new supply of cookies and Jude did not die!
Everyone laughed the day Jude broke an imaginary string on an old guitar
and had to fix it!
Jude was heart-broken on Monday when he couldn’t walk to school with his
next oldest sisters. ( He was scheduled to go at a different time to begin
pre-K classes.) He told his Dad later, ” I almost went to school but I ended
up didn’t.” ( It is as he phrased it!)
Grandma Pat C.
I just love this series. This book sounds great. Thanks for the giveaway. jepebATverizonDOTnet
These are cute sayings! My nephew picked up a lot of sayings from my mother. It’s very weird to hear a 16 year old say things from generations ago. He’ll say things like horse-feathers, h-e-double-hockey-puck, I reckon, knee high to a duck, and more.
Thanks for asking for us to share stuff that brings smiles to our faces!
This series look so good I am adding them to my wishlist! I have two kids, a 6 yr girl and a 2 yr boy, but actually have no funny stories to tell yet?! Yours were hilarious!
susanmplatt AT hotmail DOT com
Thank you all for stopping by!
Congrats to Laura you won a copy of ONLY IN TEXAS.
Congrats to Terry G you won the $25 gift card